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“Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone you will presently come to love him.”

-C.S. Lewis

I think Jesus said it even better.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

-Jesus in Matthew 5:43-48 NIV

Many times love doesn’t begin with a feeling, but instead with the acknowledgement of a need in someone else and our willingness to meet it even when we don’t believe they deserve it. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. The love of God towards us began long before we repented or believed. If you are going to receive that love from Father, you are going to have to give it as well.

Jesus’ love is a better love. It is a love that acts even when it hurts.

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Jesus Praying in the Garden by Gustav Dore

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” 

-Romans 8:18 NASB

How do you handle the suffering in your life?

I have met a lot of average people who would say their trials and sufferings have made them stronger, but outwardly I don’t see stronger people. I see people who have become more jaded by all of it. They seem angry and selfish. They have closed the door to real relationships, because people can not be trusted.

“We all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person…the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus.”

-Oswald Chambers

I recently came face to face with a struggle that has haunted me for years. It was a deep struggle stemming from years of wounds in a relationship that has admittedly had both a callousing and a perfecting effect on my own heart. My flesh has been weak in response to the suffering I am experiencing, but the Spirit has consistently pricked my heart. I have been reminded to allow my life to be molded as He delights. I will admit that I’m hurting and fighting the need to let go, but I am trying to release myself into His will. The suffering is deep and personal, but I believe Christ’s love moves deeper than those wounds in my heart. I believe it brings freedom.

What about you? Have you allowed the trials in your own life to open you further to God’s perfect will or have you become calloused to Father’s desires after years of suffering? Do you live through your trials and sufferings as part of the journey that will one day keep you in His presence eternally? What’s being revealed in you?

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

James 1:2-4 NASB

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As I pray for your home and the way you live, I constantly think about your perseverance as you trust the living God. We may not know one another, but I have prayed often for your ability to see beyond your burdens in order to see Jesus. Frankly, I’m glad all of you who have come to our site haven’t tried to contact us for help. While I am always happy to help, I am always aware of the reality that I could never keep up with all of you. So, I lift you up in prayer before the throne of God and ask that He awaken you to truths that you need for the moment.

See, one of the problems with our thinking is that we think we have to get it all figured out. We are fixers. We are planners. We are our own gods, whether we admit it or not. We are out there trying to do the business of God, but we are failing miserably. We can’t keep fighting, because we are fighting a fight we can’t win. We don’t keep our eyes on the Savior, because we are busy trying to save things ourself. Trusting faith isn’t just lacking. It seems to be completely absent.

There has to be a turning point in our thinking. We, as the people of God, have to come to a place where we realize our own thinking is failing us. Our homes are failing. Our marriages are failing. Our lives are failing.

The apostle Paul knew something special of trusting God through the best and the worst. He wrote about it repeatedly. One of my favorite writings of Paul and his attitude towards the trials of this life came in the first chapter of Philippians. In this part of the letter to the church at Philippi, he made clear that his physical chains had been difficult and that, at the moment of writing the letter, he was still in prison for Christ. Life was not easy, yet Paul repeatedly talked about his joy to his friends in Philippi. How could Paul boast of joy in such miserable circumstances? How could he feel so close to God when the realities of his physical life were so grim?

Paul summed the idea up in one phrase of Phil. 1:21: “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” Paul saw his life in the light of one thing; Christ Jesus. His trials were minimal in his own mind, because he saw them in the light of Christ. He saw them in the light of life with Christ. He was finding joy in his own life because whether he was experiencing joy or sorrow, he was experiencing it with Jesus. Living for Paul literally had everything to do with Jesus. There was no living outside of Jesus in Paul’s mind.

What about you? Is every struggle you experience characterized by the pain of the moment or by your joy of experiencing every trial with Jesus by your side? Are you consumed with your own struggles or with Jesus himself?

Paul understood that, in their worst case, struggles would lead to death and death would lead him into the eternal arms of his Savior, Jesus. This meant that in life or in death, Paul was to be with Jesus. It was in this state of mind that Paul found peace. What about you? Do you find joy in Jesus like this?

How would your home, your marriage, your children, your very life be different if life was truly lived with Christ Jesus? If you say you are living with Christ, where is your joy? If you trusted Jesus in this moment, how could your life be different?

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You will waiver as a leader in your home, your marriage, and in life. Do not fear or despair. God will not waiver. Simply follow Him.

“It is not so much a matter of great faith, but faith in a great God.”

-Charles Ringma

 

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It might surprise you how many texts, calls, and emails we receive every week from wives who want attention. These wives are hungry for husbands who care about them. They earnestly desire to be desired. They want to be loved.

If/when I address the husbands, there is always a lot of confusion. The husband usually feels nagged and pressured into doing things for his wife. He feels overwhelmed and, more-importantly, inadequate. They don’t feel like it’s possible to meet the needs in front of them.

Both sides are making this problem worse. The husbands feel inadequate to meeting the task in front of them and so they don’t take any steps at all. Wives allow themselves to be so consumed with the need that they overwhelm the husband further by applying an expectation that no one could meet. What happens as a result of these problems can be catastrophic.

The fix usually is very simple. It’s the little things.

It doesn’t usually take years of counseling to take simple steps to love your wife. You don’t have to plan a weekend  in the Bahamas for her to feel loved. You don’t have to buy her expensive jewelry. But, you do have to be unselfish. That means you have to take intentional steps of unselfishness on a regular basis. Here are some simple suggestions:

• Turn your phone off for the evening and listen to her.
• Send her an email from work telling her how beautiful she is.
• Take an hour tonight to check off one or two small things from her honey-do list.
• Before you leave for work, look into her eyes and tell her you love her.
• Send her random text messages that simply tell her how wonderful she is.
• Write her a love letter.
• Pray for her.

Wives, your nagging will NEVER help. The degrading and harsh words will only create more pressure that he’ll never feel adequate to meet your expectations, and you will get less of your husband with every nagging word. Here are some simple suggestions to love your husband:

• Tell him how much you appreciate the good things he does.
• Start a journal. Write down your frustrations and then ask God if/when you should share them.
• Initiate sex yourself.
• Praise him publicly. Tell friends, family, and co-workers the good things he does…whether he is there to hear them or not.
• Don’t ask him to do something for you. Ask him what you can do for him.
• Pray for him.

Notice I am not asking you to spend money on each other. You might have to spend some money to fix things around the house, but hanging that picture or fixing that leaky sink will go a long way to create a happy home. Wives, writing your frustrations down in that journal will go a long way to releasing the ever-building pressure and free you to build up your husband. Unselfishly loving one another through simple steps will stop the drought of love in your home and begin healing the wounds and brokenness.

Don’t expect things to change over-night. Lisa and I do these types of things constantly for one another. We have been through hell and come back to a fruitful and loving marriage. The little things make all of the difference in the world.

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For those of you struggling to put together the pieces of your broken life while enduring the judgement and condescension of others, I want to encourage you. Ever since the creation of the world people have been trying to put on a front. They’ve been trying to tell themselves, their spouses and children, their co-workers, their friends, and the world around them that they had it all together.

• They have said it with the condescending way they have looked at others.
• They have said it through the way they treated others.
• They have said it with the way they refused to talk about certain subjects that went to the core of their pain.
• They have said it through the cars they drove and the cars they refused to drive.
• They have said it through the rules they created and tried to place on you.
• They have said it through their relentless pursuit of something bigger.

I can put a check mark on all of the above…so don’t let me fool you, either. I am a broken man, too. Welcome to the club.

Do not let the people around you fool you into believing they have not suffered a tremendous amount of pain, shame, fear, and worry. They are humans, too. Our fallen state as people sets us up for a long line of pain and hurt. The sooner you can accept that reality, the sooner you can experience an astounding amount of freedom.

The people who tell you they are not broken are lying. Do your best not to take offense, though. They are probably not lying nearly as much to you as they are to themselves. It is a tough thing for most of us to acknowledge that we are in pain one way or another. Our pride tells us not to show that to anyone. We are supposed to have it all together, right?

I encourage you to not be afraid. You are not alone. People will still hurt you, but do not immediately assume that they wanted to hurt you. That may be the only thing they know to do. They may have spent a lifetime being hurt by those who were supposed to love them the most.

Put on a new set of glasses today. Put on glasses of mercy and grace. Those are the same glasses Jesus was wearing when He died for you.

“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”

Romans 5:8 ESV

He knows you aren’t perfect. Do your best to not allow the expectations of others to affect your own humble acknowledgement of how much you need healing. Jesus did not come to save the healthy. He, the Wonderful Physician, came to heal a sick and dying world.

So, embrace your wounds. I am not encouraging you to stay broken. I am not encouraging you to point out others’ wounds. I am, however, encouraging you to be honest with yourself and others about them. Let Jesus heal those wounds and teach you how to live.

And the next time someone treats you like you are stupid for being broken, love them back. They just may need healing more than you do. They are broken, too.

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I have gone through some interesting changes in my life recently. They have been both challenging and encouraging. Both overwhelming and enlightening. Both horrifying and lovely.

Ever since I was a child, I had a unique gift to take a pencil and bring a piece of paper to life through illustrations. I could draw most anything and it didn’t take much effort on my part. It was clearly a gift. For numerous reasons, though, I have never taken that gift as something that I needed to seriously pursue. In fact, I was always discouraged from using it seriously because of the whole “starving artist” idea.

I haven’t used this gift in about 10 years, but recently God has opened a door for me to unexpectedly use it again. It started when I was cutting a peace of leather and accidentally scratched it with my knife and noticed that the color changed. From that scratch, a leather feather was made that looked rather life-like, and my interest was sparked. I was moved by the simplicity of using something totally different to create something so unique.

Through a series of God-orchestrated events, I found myself creating pictures on leather that were pretty cool. I would laugh as details would pop out of the leather and this lifeless medium came to life once-again.

So, you may be asking me what this has to do with you. What does this have to do with me, my home, my life before God? To that I simply say, it is all about perspective.

See, I have a tendency to be a little bit ADD. I’m not diagnosed with it, but I definitely lack the attention span to accomplish a task at times. So, as I’m etching, I lose attention quickly. I lose interest. I start working on an area in the etching and can see it coming to life, but then when I back up away from that piece of leather, I see the whole thing and begin losing heart. I seriously want to quit etching and do something else. The problem only compounds when I make a mistake on the leather.

But, I never quit. I can see the potential of what could happen to the leather, and I’m not willing to quit. Mistakes or not, I don’t know what it will all look like, but I just keep scratching out the dyes. I keep a close eye on the image I’m etching and constantly work to ensure that every scratch will match the image I’m recreating on the leather. Every mistake is accounted for and covered with another stroke to ensure that the picture is as I want it to be.

While this is happening, my hand really begins hurting. The muscles in my fingers, palm, wrist, and forearm all begin aching. I constantly have to stop and stretch out that hand to ensure I’m getting good blood flow and do not begin cramping. The cramping in my hand can be extremely painful and shut me down for quite a while if I’m not consistent with the stretching.

As I persevere, things really begin taking on life, and I begin enjoying the realities of that image appearing in the hide.

If I’m willing to fight through my frustrations and constantly changing feelings, I get to be a part of something really amazing. If I take one stroke of my knife at a time, the leather becomes my picture of God’s perfect work in my life.

Maybe that seems like a strange parallel to you, but I see the struggles of life in a very similar way. I think most of us become so absorbed in our struggles that we lose sight of a much bigger picture. We see the struggles with such finality and miss the Master Artists’s hand. As brush strokes of absolute brilliance pass over the canvas’ of our lives and the greatest Creator of all time creates the times of our lives, we often get so caught up in one stroke of His work that we forget the broader picture of which we have no understanding.

I’ve done this over and over again. In fact, I’m doing it again this morning. I’m caught up in a struggle of this life that in my flesh and strength feels so insurmountable. But, I am not the Master. And frankly, my place is not in knowing how things will turn out. He never asked me to solve my problems. Jesus asked me to lay them on Him.

I do not know what the canvas of my life will look like when this is all finished and I take my last breath, but I don’t need to know. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow’s problems. I know the Greatest Creator ever. I know He has the ability to paint, etch, sketch, and create well beyond my wildest imagination. He sees a bigger picture than we do. While I don’t believe He makes mistakes, I do, and as a Master Artist, He covers them up…with His blood.

When the worries of tomorrow began choking out your ability to deal with today, I encourage you to take a deep breath and be still. Your life is not your own. We are, as the old cliche’ states, on borrowed time. Let the Creator have final say in the worries and struggles of your heart. You are not finished.

So, my fear still stands in this moment as I type this out. But, I’m resolved to persevere. I’m resolved to trust. I’m resolved to let the Master work. Join me.

If you’re interested, you can check out some of my etchings here.

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“We think you’ll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That’s what makes a woman come alive.”

– John and Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

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As I’m preparing for the father and son retreat in August, my awareness of the need for godly men grows steadily. I’m seeing a desperate need for men who will train their boys to be men of God. We desperately need more men who live by faith, in the light of Christ, as they overcome the problems of life.

As I sat this morning talking with my older two boys from the scriptures and praying with them, tears welled up in my eyes as I considered the challenges that they would face in the coming years. I know those challenges well, and I have suffered through them time and time again. I have been very blessed to have a father and brothers who protected me as much as they could. They stood beside me even when I was making foolish decisions and helped to bear the burdens of the messes I made. I didn’t really understand it at the time, but I was lovingly being protected. I want that and more for my own sons.

So, this morning, I encouraged my boys to see their talents, strength, mind, and heart,  in a different light. I believe Father wants them to see all of that as gifts from Him for His own glory and for the purpose of serving the people He’s placed around them. I encouraged the boys to see that “every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17). They weren’t given those things to glorify themselves and boast. Each of those things is a tool for God’s glory and should be used as such.

Part of the rise of our home is keeping the proper perspective of my gifts, my strength, and my abilities so as to ensure they are used to show my love for God and my love for his people. As well, I must ensure that I pass that perspective on to my children so that they can share it with the world and, one day, their own families.

What are you doing to ensure that your family is using the blessings you have received to the glory of God and the building up of His people? How can you do that better?

If you’re a father who wants practical direction for training up your son, consider bringing him to the August retreat, Cut From the Rock. I am excited to come together with other fathers who are striving to raise up godly sons and know it will be a great weekend of encouragement and challenges for all of us.

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Many times in the past, I have found that my idea of who God was ended up being different from who God really is. I have gone to scripture in hopes of knowing God, but only come back with some simple pictures of what He has done or said. I still did not know Him.

I have found that just because I think something is true, does not really make it true. Even my ideas about God are not always true, even if I think the scriptures say what I think they say. All too often, God is taken out of context and the reality of who He really is becomes stripped of its beauty as we impose on Father our own desires. Most every person I’ve every known who call themselves Christians, really struggle with trying to make God what they want Him to be, rather than accepting who He actually is. I’m very guilty of this as well.

One of the unfortunate consequences of doing this is that it makes our daily challenges a lot more challenging. We all come to God wearing rose-tinted glasses as we carry a bucket full of unfair expectations of God. As a result, it’s hard to accept that His will looks blurry in those ugly glasses and that our expectations of God are as good as the bucket we’re carrying them in. We can’t get our minds wrapped around the will of God, because we’re too busy believing we know the will of God.

“Remember this, and be assured;
Recall it to mind, you transgressors.
“Remember the former things long past,
For I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is no one like Me,

Declaring the end from the beginning,
And from ancient times things which have not been done,
Saying, ‘My purpose will be established,
And I will accomplish all My good pleasure’”

Isaiah 46:8-10 NASV

If you’ve grown frustrated with the direction of your life, and the challenges that seem to get in the way of your vision, maybe it’s time to step back and redirect your thoughts and efforts. Maybe your vision for your life is less important than you think it is. Maybe you should give your own vision a rest and allow God’s purpose for your marriage, your home, your children, and your own dreams to be established and to overcome your own vision.

“Be still and know that I am God”

Psalm 46:10

Even when you don’t understand, God is still God. Even when it feels hopeless, He is still your only hope. Even when the realities of life seem impossible, God is much bigger than your reality. At the end of the day when all of your dreams, marriage, and everything else has fallen apart, whose fault will it have been? Maybe you’ve moved without God. Maybe you don’t know what you thought you knew. Maybe you need to take off your ugly glasses and stick them in the bucket with the rest of the trash you’re carrying around. Set the bucket down and be still for a second. Is God still God? If so, then maybe you should let Him be your God.