Posted by: Serena DeGarmo | May 7, 2012

Gimme a New Husband!

Ok married ladies, raise your hand if you have ever wished your husband would change. (Single ladies pay attention too! You may need to keep this info in your stockpile.) Maybe you wish he would work less, lose weight, help more with the kids, listen better or be a spiritual leader.  You fill in the blank. If you’ve been married for more than six hours you have secretly, or even openly, desired for something to be different about your husband.

Sometimes we let those thoughts grow into discontentment.  I did.  I spent years praying for God to change my husband. As I prayed, my discontentment grew.  I wanted God to wave a magic wand and transform my toad into the prince I dreamed about.  It’s funny how God works.  He didn’t answer… well not right away.  My prayers were missing a key ingredient. I was lacking a pure heart.

Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. They will receive the Lord’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior.

Psalm 24:4-5

My prayers were offered selfishly.  I didn’t really want was best for my spouse.  I wanted what was best for me. I wanted him to meet my needs. I regret to inform you that it took me about ten years to figure out that I was the problem.

Another unfortunate thing happened.  I started nagging. “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm” (Proverbs 27:15). I wasn’t much of a refuge from the storm. I was the storm.  I didn’t quite get the idea, “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home” (Proverbs 21:9). And frankly I lived in daily disobedience to the teaching in 1 Peter 3 to win over my husband without a word.

If you are finding yourself day dreaming about what your husband could be, let me suggest day dreaming about what his wife could be.

You want to see changes in your husband?  Change his wife.

Begin praying today to:

  • See your husband as God sees him
  • Love him as Christ loves him
  • Allow God to use you as a vessel of His love toward your husband
  • Have God help you hold your tongue
  • Let the Holy Spirit convict your husband of changes he needs to make not you
  • Yield to God, allowing Him to transform you through the power of the Holy Spirit

You can read more of Serena’s posts over at A Wordy Woman.


  1. Wow! Once again Gods timing is always perfect! I have been struggling with these same issues. Then I justify it by thinking, his changes would be for the good of the family…haha. Yes Satan is quite the deceiver.
    Thank you,

    • Don’t lose heart, Chris. We love you guys and appreciate the deep desire within you for the will of Father and how that manifests itself in your lives. Our prayers are being answered.

  2. Very good. Not to imply that there are not other issues or that husbands don’t make them, but I struggled a long while as a husband on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour, and found I couldn’t solve the problem from my end. While I strive to love her as Christ loves the church, if I did as nagged, my wife led, and that was ungodly and went against the grain, making me unhappy. If I did not, it made her unhappy. I could never solve it and I thank God that she has learned more of how God wants a wife to be with her husband: accepting his lead while it is subordinate to God, and not managing him, taking over, interfering in his processes, re-re-reminding him or nagging him, but being quietly helpful. Hard to put into words. You did a better job! Thanks for this.

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