Posted by: Derek Guyer | April 25, 2012

Battle Plans: Porn in Our Homes


This is the fifth post in our series posts sharing the testimony of a couple whose own home was wrecked by pornography. I’d encourage you to read through the first four posts if you haven’t already done so. You can read the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th posts in this testimonial series.

“Oh be careful little eyes…”

Our battle against pornography isn’t over. It will never be over. My husband realizes that he will always fight this temptation. We remain vigilant as we have not only the heart of my husband to protect, but that of our sons as well.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

-Matthew 10:16

When my oldest son was just three years old, we were walking together through Target. He stopped ahead of me and was staring wide-eyed at a picture on the wall. I looked to see where he was looking and saw that it was a billboard-sized picture of a group of women in skimpy bikinis. I tried steering him away, but he turned to look again and asked what they were. I said that they were girls who needed to cover themselves up with more clothes, and he replied, “I like looking at girls without clothes.” I about fell over. Needless to say, we started talking to him that very day about his need to turn away from these kinds of images. We keep things light and on his level, and I am always sure to tell him that we pray that one day he will follow God’s plan by marrying a pretty Christian lady and that he can look at her and enjoy being married to her. We pray every day that our sons will choose to have a heart for the Lord and we diligently teach our sons that which we live ourselves:

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.”

-Titus 2:11-14

Getting Practical About Protecting Our Homes

I think we need to be aware that evil is present on our computers just two clicks of the mouse away. We need righteous indignation! Pornography is stealing our purity, and do something about it!

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”

Job 31:1

Other things to talk to your children about include: what to do if a friend or relative shows them pornography, what to say when evil suggestions or comments are made, what to do if someone tries to molest them, what God will do to people who do these things, and what to do with their own impure thoughts/imaginations. Of course you as the parent need to choose the appropriate time and message, but make sure you purposefully and deliberately make those decisions—this is such an important topic for families!

Practical Advice & Insight for Exposing and Dealing with Pornography

Some of you may already suspect your husband/wife of consuming pornography. Signs of involvement in internet pornography may include:

  • Blocks of unaccounted for time
  • Increased distraction
  • Late-night computer sessions
  • Increasing secretiveness and evasiveness
  • Little or no kissing in sexual intimacy with spouse
  • Lack of sexual involvement with spouse
  • Increased anger and resentment

If you know your spouse, child, or friend is consuming porn, we’d encourage you to start by doing the following two things; 1. Pray – a lot! 2. Commit your situation to God and seek His wisdom. You can’t change the person or their desires, but you can love and help them, if they’re willing to be helped.

If you have sons over the age of 7, then you especially must guard your computer just as you would guard yourselves from those pornographic magazines! Some ideas:

  1. Every computer should be in a public room or facing an open door (or glass door) where the screen is easily viewed,
  2. Control access to the internet. The internet should be password protected and the password should only be known by you, the parents.
  3. Talk to your kids about what pornography is, and what they should do if they ever come across it.
  4. Check your web history, image folders, and “My Computer” every week.
  5. Think about installing Covenant Eyes on all of the computers your family uses.

If your husband is repentant:

  • Find a trusted counselor for yourself and/or for your husband (or wife).
  • If your husband cannot handle his addiction by himself, involve other trusted family members or church elders. Let the people whom you trust counsel you both and help you come up with an accountability system.
  • Create an accountability system – create parameters for internet use and a system for accountability. Consider programs like Covenant Eyes and X3Watch to filter internet usage.

If your spouse is unrepentant:

  • Honor him as your husband or love her as your wife.
  • Do not be self-righteous, just calmly let him know that you love him and honor him, but that you are concerned for the heart before God.
  • This might be a good time to apply Matthew 18:15-17 and get some help.

“Left to our own resources, more times than not, we will sin sexually. The pressures are just too great. That’s why a vital relationship with God is critical. Without it, good sex is simply not possible. Only fully devoted, committed, authentic Christians can feel the inner tug of the Holy Spirit, the voice that tells us “Abhor evil, cling to good.”

Bill Hybels, Tender Love

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Responses

  1. This gets at questions that have been arising in my mind as I’ve followed these posts. How DO we equip our children to deal with the curiousity-fixation-temptation without HYPERsensitizing them, and causing even earlier damage? How do we help them be not so naive that they are too easy to prey upon, without painting their whole self awareness and awareness of others in a sexual slant? Perhaps as we go along, and have those spontaneous innocent conversations with our children, we get all the clues we need? Then, how to temper my knee-jerk reactions and responses so that healthy attitudes are conveyed…
    Helpful thoughts. Thanks for carrying this series to some practical ends.


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