Posted by: Derek Guyer | April 10, 2012

Take Divorce Off Of The Table


As Lisa and I approach our 10th anniversary next month, I have a lot on my mind. We’ve come a long way by overcoming the snares of the devil, escaping the horrors of divorce, and living in a loving and beautiful marriage. But, right now I’m in the midst of dealing with six or seven different marriages where divorce is being pursued or has already been done. It is so heartbreaking to see so many broken people in broken marriages. I genuinely ache for their healing and reconciliation and wish they didn’t believe divorce was the only option.

These divorces have had me thinking a lot about why so many marriages fail. What stands at the core of the problem? While I have numerous beliefs about how and why they fail, one thing stands stronger than all of them in my mind: they’ve allowed divorce to be an option.

http://imaginarydiocese.org/bishopjohn/2009/08/17/amish-encounters-no-3-–-sunday-worship-with-amish-mennonites/We have really been blessed to spend some time with a family over the last couple of months who were formerly Amish. They have come over to our home for dinner, and we have really been encouraged by the fellowship we have shared with them. In the process of talking, I have been taken aback by how deeply they are astonished by the problems we deal with in helping marriages. How can this be so shocking to them? When they left the Amish faith years ago, they had never really seen broken marriages or divorce. They had only seen people who worked out their problems with one another. They said that one of the most alarming things they have seen is the brokenness that surrounds so many people who even call themselves Christians. Believe whatever you will about the Amish people, but I am constantly shocked by the same things they are. There is an incredible lack of commitment to the faith.

Since we moved to Kentucky, I’ve been exposed to several Amish families and done some business deals with some of their men who deeply love their wives. That reality is clear by the way they speak of them. The coolest part of that to me is that it is not going to change. They won’t stop loving their wives. Their marriages won’t end in divorce. It feels strange to say that so firmly, because I don’t know men’s hearts or what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I say that with so much conviction, because I know what keeps their marriages together.

MARK WILSON : GETTY, Time.comI know why they have successful marriages. Successful marriages thrive because divorce is not a possibility to the couple. Husbands and wives in successful marriages don’t believe divorce is an option, and therefore, they have no choice but to love their spouses through the hard times. They love and never consider quitting.

In scripture, it seems that the very thing that kept marriages together was believing  divorce was never an option. When I read through the stories of the problems between the Biblical patriarchs, men like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, etc., and their wives, I am constantly amazed at their faithfulness to one another and God’s plan for the marriage. No matter how poorly they may have been treated, divorce was not an option in their minds. They remained committed, and they experienced the fruit of that faithfulness together. There has to be a pretty good reason that there isn’t a single divorce recorded between a man and his wife in any of the scriptures. He does not want His people doing it.

Despite all of the horrifying things we’ve seen over the years, we haven’t seen a marriage yet that had to end in divorce. You don’t have to like the things your spouse does to you or others. You don’t have to like how you’re treated. If you love Him, you just have to live in faithful obedience to Jesus Christ, and you can work through the problems (Phil. 4:13, II Corinthians 12:10, II Corinthians 6:1-10). Father doesn’t want separated marriages. He hates divorce.

Take divorce off of the table, and pursue peace with your spouse. You can’t stop your spouse from divorcing you. But, as far as your own decisions go, what “God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9)

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Responses

  1. I just stumbled upon your blog. This is absolutely true and a beautiful post!! We were fortunate to have some sweet Amish ladies help with the housework when my babies were young. What an example these ladies were- their work ethic was fabulous and their treatment of one another was wonderful. Divorce was unheard of in their community. Bravo for writing this! 🙂 God bless-

  2. Thank you for your blog. I appreciate you building this website for people like myself! Thank God for you and your family. Websites such as yours and joyfullystanding.com are a blessing! My day in court is arriving soon; October 2 and I am terrified. My husband is divorcing me and it is very hard for me to understand. We were such a beautiful family for 14 years and then he just threw it all away for some tattooed woman he brought into our home for a Christmas party. It is unbelievable. I don’t know how I am going to go on with my life. Family meant the world to me. Yes, I have my children, but it just hurts so much that this man has even said to me, “Why do I need a family when I have myself?” and “You think that having kids is such a great accomplishment; you know two people can fu** and can have a kid”. I cannot believe the words that he has said to me. This is not the man I married and that I have lived with for 14 years! This is a stranger to me and my children. Such a mess! Thanks for reading.

    • We’re sorry to hear about your circumstances, Monica. The way we buy into sin as a solution for our perceived needs and desires leaves us all in a scary mess. We will pray for your family through this and for your strength to display Christ’s love through it all. Thanks for sharing with us and allowing us to join you in prayer!


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