Posted by: Derek Guyer | March 3, 2012

Talk With Your Spouse Tip #16


A good friend of mine and I had some major issues over the last few days. We were both really hurting through the course of a very challenging discussion and, because of the intensity of the dialogue, were both losing sleep and growing in angst about the severity about what was developing. I think we both learned a lot of lessons from the discussions as they progressed, but I believe that one specific truth stood at the crux of our restoration and the peace that we’re enjoying together now. This truth is deeply applicable to all communication, but strongly relates to the way we talk with our husbands and wives.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but in heated or passionate discussions, I find that I mostly teeter between two extreme emotions.  For me, I tend to waiver between extreme anger and overwhelming sadness. I guess this varies depending upon the subject in which we’ve engaged, but these are fairly typical emotions for me. As a result, I have found that I must have both a place where I come to resolve my own internal conflict as well as a place where I can resolve the conflict raging with those with whom I’m currently engaged. I have found that medium ground to be love.

I’ve come to realize that, no matter what the original problem is when communicating, “love never fails”. When Paul makes this claim in I Corinthians 13:8, he is in the middle of a challenge to the Christians at Corinth where he’s encouraging unity among the body in the use of their talents. He’s encouraging them to use those talents to help build a oneness within the church instead of using them to promote their own selfish ideas. Paul makes this idea very clear when in chapter fourteen and verse twenty-six he says, “Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.” The goal of gifts and talents was to build one another other up, not promote self. That’s the way we act when we love someone; we build them up.

Pull out your Bible and look at Paul’s full explanation of love in I Corinthians 13:4-8:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.”

No matter what happens to me, love has to be my medium. If I don’t love God, then I won’t love His people. If I’m not thankful for the forgiving love of Christ, then I can’t give the forgiving love of Christ. At the center of my experience with Father and the people he created must be a willingness to lay aside myself and love as He loved me.

As my friend and I continued trying to sort through our issue, one problem stood above them all; I lacked love. I let my emotions get in the way of love’s power to not easily anger me, and I became selfish. But, when I let love pierce through the darkness in my heart, that darkness no longer had power to enslave me to the idea that I had to be right. Father showed me that my pride and emotions could become less significant if and when I would focus on how much I loved God and my friend. As a result, Father brought some clear communication between the two of us, and our problems were resolved.

Lisa and I have constantly found this to be true. If we’re willing to lay aside our pride, our pain, and our selfishness, love conquers our emotions, and Jesus leads our actions. Love does not fail when we allow it to work in us towards Father and His people. After all, He is Love.

Don’t allow your desires, your pain, or your own ideas to dictate the way you respond to your spouse. If you want to experience the beauty of pure communication where humble people meet Jesus in their dialogue, then let love be your guide.

“For where two or three gather as my followers, I am there among them”

Matthew 18:20 NLT

Here are some other Talk With Your Spouse Tips that you might find helpful:

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