Put It Into Practice: Build Him Up

Are you struggling with the man that your husband has become?  Do you wish he were stronger and more confident?  Do you want him to just take charge and be sure of himself?  Do you want him to command respect when he walks into a room?

Now, try to think about what made him the way he is.  Where do your thoughts immediately go?  Do they go to his life as a child and how his parents treated him?  Do they go to his own selfish habits that have seemed to take over his life?  Do any thoughts point straight at you and how you talk to him?

I want to offer the idea that the confidence and self worth of a man depends almost completely on his wife and how she views and treats him.  In an average day, think about how you talk to your husband.  (We’re doing a lot of self-reflecting, but that is good!)  Do you belittle ideas and dreams he has?  Do you thank him for the efforts he makes whether great or small?  Do you challenge his authority in front of the children or even in public?  Derek has said to me many times that there are very few things that can make him feel more confident and strong than for me to just say, “Honey, I just want you to know that I believe in you.”  Derek just wants to know that even when things get overwhelming and he feels defeated, there is one person that still has confidence in him. 

Believing in your husband and building him up is so much more vital than many women understand.  The way you view your husband is more critical to him than how his parents treated him or how his boss treats him.  You can either make or break your husband just by the words you use towards him. Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Do not let ANY unwholesome talk come out of your mouths….None.  So, when you want to criticize your husband for not putting the dishes away after he washed them…don’t.  When you want to argue with him about how he’s handling the children…don’t.  When you want to belittle him by joking about him in a hurtful way in front of his friends…stop.  If it isn’t going to build him up into believing that he can be a great man of God, then it isn’t worth saying. 

Have things gotten so out of control for you and your marriage that you are having trouble finding anything wholesome or encouraging to say about your husband?  Paul encourages us that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent of praiseworthy” then we are to “think about such things.”  (Phil. 4:8)  Your husband may only have three praiseworthy attributes about him.  But, whatever they are, list them out and meditate on them.  Satan is going to inundate you with the negatives, but God says to focus on his positives.  Praise your husband for the things that he does right, instead of tearing him down for the things he does wrong.

Are you still struggling to see any good in your husband at all?  (Believe me, there are many of you out there who will struggle to see any good at all.  This isn’t necessarily because your husband is so bad, but instead because Satan has such a hold on your marriage that he has blinded you to all truth.  If you do feel this way, trust me when I say, you aren’t alone.) Focus on the one thing that I know is true of every man out there.  He has been created in the image of God.  Tell your husband that you believe in Him because he has been made in the image of your Savior and you believe that he can do great things because of that one truth. 

Stop glossing over this scripture, and begin building your husband up instead of tearing him down.  Try it, and I am confident that the Lord will take your encouragement and help your husband to grow into a fierce man of confidence and strength.

—Want to think about this a little more?  This is a great article that I found.  When you read it, try to focus on using all of his suggestions towards your spouse.  Don’t get distracted about being more encouraging to your kids or coworkers.  These are great people to encourage, but your husband is first and foremost.  Concentrate on one at a time.

—Missed any of the previous “Put It Into Practice” posts?  Go here to catch up.