Posted by: Derek Guyer | September 3, 2009

Desperate Wives & Unequipped Men

I can’t tell you how many desperate wives we talk to on a regular basis. I see so many women in the body of Christ who are desperate for men of God who love them and show it. They’re desperate for affection, attention, leadership, help, and companionship. They’re sick of doing the husband’s job and their own at the same time.

This is a deep and horrible problem, but it’s the handy work of Satan himself. He’s taking men out left and right, because he knows that by taking out the leader of the home, he’s taking out the homes themselves and the church as well. This is why we have so many desperate wives. When the head falls apart, so does the rest of the body. 

Ever since we posted about the men’s retreat, we’ve received several questions from people privately about why we chose to only do a men’s retreat instead of a couple’s retreat or a women’s retreat. It’s simple. The problem is starting at the top. Men have lost their place. They are not the leaders they were designed to be, and the effects of this can be seen in their wives.

We’re seeing so many women who are lost. They feel alone. They’re frustrated. They’re angry. They’re resentful. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes. When your leader won’t lead, what do you do? How do you follow someone who mistreats you? Doesn’t God want us to be happy? I think there are answers to those questions, but that’s not my purpose for writing this post. I want to emphasize the need for men to learn how to be men and then to take their roles on. Most men don’t know what it means to be a man as God made him to be. They’re tough, but prideful. They’re strong, but abusive. They’re good providers, but controlling. They haven’t learned to use the strength, toughness, and abilities they have properly, and therefore, they destroy what they’ve been given. 

Imagine if you were hired to work for a custom home builder who had an incredible reputation for building beautiful homes. Your first day on the job is spent cleaning up the yard and running to get supplies. It’s sweaty and hard, but you learn a few things and are making some money. The next day, the builder walks up and hands you the architectural drawings and a couple of good books about building homes. He says he’s taking the year off and leaving the business to you. “I’m sorry, you’re what?”

I believe this is what most men feel like has happened to them. They’re scared and confused. They’re overwhelmed. But most of all, I believe they feel alone. They can’t admit they don’t know what to do, because “men know what to do”, right?Wrong. Most men have no idea what it looks or feels like to be a man. All we’ve seen are guys who wanted to be men. I believe Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge, outlines and makes this point clear. He says that men are frequently behaving like “posers”. They’ve never been taught whose image they bear and how that affects things. So, they live in a way that dishonors God and themselves. They’re unequipped and afraid to admit it. They need help.

Marriages, children, the church, and the world all need men of God to rise up. There is a massive battle happening for genuine men of God right now. This is exactly why we believe God led us to create the men’s retreat first. We need leaders. We need men who are “cut from the rock”. We need men of God. We don’t have all of the answers, but we know who does. We know He made us with purpose, and we want to help other men get back to that purpose. Jesus has given us victory. We need to claim it. Rise Up, Men. We hope to see you all at the retreat.


  1. Amen, That is one reason why I lost my marriage, I didn’t know how to properly lead.

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