Posted by: Derek Guyer | May 27, 2009

As You Have Been Loved

I will never forget the look on Lisa’s face during the affair. There was something about her that I find very hard to explain today. I could see something strange and tormenting in her eyes as she looked at me and even as she looked away from me. She was looking for something else. She wanted something other than what God had given to her. She was using the beauty God had given her for her own glory and, in the meantime, was destroying our home. 

I remember hurting so deeply when she would dress up so beautifully to go somewhere else, but do so little to please me with her looks. I remember questioning her several times as she left to “go to work” about why she was so concerned about her looks when she was going to work in a tough and dirty environment. What I didn’t know at that time, was that she was going to work to impress and please him. Her heart was given over to another and she was striving to please him. The way she dressed and the looks on her face were heart-breaking. I felt like I was being eaten-alive by her glances and disdain for me. She didn’t care about me and no matter how many times she said she did, she proved otherwise. Her heart was given over to another, and I, her husband, was receiving the heavy blows of all of it.

While reading in Hosea this morning, I found this reality staring right back in my face. I couldn’t believe that the words I just shared with you were jumping right off the pages of the Bible:

“Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.”

Hosea 2:2 NIV

God understood those looks. He knew exactly what I was feeling, but on a much deeper level. I had worked hard to be a good husband, but I still hadn’t been perfect and had screwed up plenty. God has been perfect in dealing with all of us, and we have continually been unfaithful. God was feeling what I was feeling in a much deeper way. Why? He had made her for a specific purpose, and she had strayed from it. Her body was being used to please someone she was never intended to see, touch, or think of in those ways. God was being dishonored on a different level than I understood at the time.

I found the only way to deal with the immense pain of Lisa’s affair was to take it to the only one who could really understand it. I needed to love her as Christ had and was still loving me. If I was to uphold my vow of “until death do us part”, I had to look past her foolish unfaithful heart and love her while she was still a sinner. This is exactly what God did for me.

If you want to heal from the unfaithfulness of your spouse, look no further than your own Savior and your own sin. Jesus Christ has loved you in your unfaithfulness. Go and do likewise.


  1. A good read Derek. You make very right and true statements about how to deal with this. I appreciate you referring me to this post.

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