Posted by: Lisa Guyer | March 25, 2009

What does HE want?

Imagine with me for moment the day when your husband asks you what YOU want for the day.  He asks you what you want for dinner (and you get it!).  He asks you what you want him to accomplish for you for the day (and he does it!).  He asks you what you think looks good on him (and he wears it!).  Wow!  What a fun day, right?  Now I understand that this is probably a little awkward thinking about your husband doing everything you want for a full day, but it’s a nice thought, huh?

 Well, now it’s time to play by the “Golden Rule”.  Do unto others as you’d have done unto you.  Obviously a day where your husband does what YOU want him to do sounds like a great day.  So why not reverse that and make your husband’s day?  You are going to really have to have a servant’s heart in doing this.  But, looking at scripture, it’s actually what you are asked to do anyway.

 Here’s a few examples:

 -Before you go and get your hair chopped off at your shoulders, ask your husband how he likes your hair.  Does he like your hair better long, pulled up in a ponytail, or cut short?  You may think, “Well, he doesn’t really care.”  I bet if you asked him, he’d have an opinion! 

 “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband….” 

1 Corinthians 7:4 NIV

 -Overwhelmed with all of the housework that you have to get done?  Ask your husband what is the biggest deal to him.  He may not even notice some of the things that you are so overwhelmed with.  Do the one or two areas that he really wants done, and just get to the others when you have time.

 -Or, try this one: Ask him what he wants for dinner!  I know it sounds simple.  Or maybe not, maybe you’re thinking, “Okay I already have to cater to what my kids will eat.  Now you want me to add one more person’s opinion in there?”  Yes!  I do!  That “one other person” needs to be the priority.  The kids won’t starve if you chose one night (start small) to make just what your husband wants.

 -If you’re like me, I LOVE sweatpants or shorts and a nice t-shirt.  Does my husband like that?  Not so much.  He much more prefers it if I actually get dressed in “real” clothes, do my hair, put on a little makeup and look “pretty” for him.  Your husband may be the exact opposite.  Ask him what he likes for you to wear.  You may be surprised by his answer!

 The key to all of this is ASKING.  Ask him what he wants.  Never assume that you just know what he would like.  You may really be surprised that after 2, 5, or even 15 years of marriage, you never really knew (or took the time to care) what he wanted about certain “little” things.  I guarantee though, those “little” things can really add up to big things when you take the time to make him feel like he matters.

 In all of these things, I’m not saying that you need to ask your husband for permission or to okay your every move.  In many cases you need to make decisions for yourself without bugging him to make them for you.  But I am suggesting that you stop every once in a while and find out what HE wants.  Again, if you sit and dream about a day where he asks you everything that you want done, then take the first step and do that for him!!  (Not so that you can get that in return, but instead so that you can have the joy of making his day!)

 Start small and you’ll be surprised at how easily this will become a habit to you.  His happiness will be worth the few extra moments of doing it his way.

 “So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do unto you.”

Matthew 7:12 NIV


  1. Wow! Excellent advice. Sometimes a little bit of effort on our part can make such a difference in our marriage.

    Every man is different and unless we ask, we may never know what makes him happy.

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