Posted by: Derek Guyer | March 12, 2009

Lovers of Themselves

I’ve been talking with several different cheating spouses over the last couple of months who have continually brought me back to some very alarming problems. I’ve known these problems were always there, but watching so many “christian couples” suffering through them has made them more real than ever.

At the heart of these problems is the sickening reality that people are in love with themselves. They love their own needs, feelings, and thoughts more than anything else. The evidence of it is in the trail of havoc they leave behind them.

To be clear, I’m not talking about loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. I’m talking about loving yourself so much that you indulge your own self so much that you ignore and even abuse others. If you’re of this kind of lifestyle, your love for things that please and entertain you trump everything else in your life.

I don’t know if these are the last days or not, because Jesus clearly stated that we do not know the hour when he’ll come back. But, I do know that Paul told Timothy, in II Timothy 3:2, that in the last days men would become “lovers of themselves“. Whether last days or not, men and women have definitely become lovers of themselves.

Let me give an example of what I mean: A husband begins an affair with a woman from work. His relationship started in a very honest and innocent place with the woman, but slowly turned into complete self-indulgence. He would tell his wife he was “going out with the guys” and then go to her apartment. He would spend several hours watching movies with her, wining and dining her and then ultimately sleeping with her. All the while, his wife was home dealing with the children on her own, making them dinner and cleaning up afterwards, putting them in bed and then cleaning the house. She worked tirelessly for hours while he indulged himself and neglected his wife and children.

If you read that and it seemed even slightly normal, that’s because you’re in love with yourself. You’ve learned to place your needs above everyone else around you. You’re living for yourself and unfortunately, your family is taking the hits. 

We weren’t made to serve ourselves. That’s something we’ve been tempted to do. We were made in the image of our Creator, who loving all of us so much, gave His only Son, that anyone who would put their faith in him, might not die in their sin, but live eternally with Him (John 3:16). In fact, God sent Him while we were still sinners to die for us (Romans 5:8). He left us the perfect example of humility and sacrifice.

If you’re cheating and you know you’ve become a lover of self, rather than a lover of God and His people, you must follow the example God has left us through Christ Jesus. You have to stop serving yourself and put others before you. The golden rule would seem perfect at a time like this:

Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

Stop serving yourself to the neglect of others and most especially God. A time is coming when you will be judged for these actions and it could cost you eternal life with God. Confess your sins to God Almighty and then repent. Repenting means you turn away from the way you’re living now and prove through your actions that you’ve changed (Acts 26:20).

If your spouse has become self-serving through an affair, abuse, or any other type of selfishness, I encourage you as well to follow the example of Christ. You must serve your spouse even while they’re selfishly serving themselves. They need you to fight for them. Unselfishly, show your spouse the love and mercy of Christ you’ve already received. Be the change you hope and expect in them.


  1. Well said! Isn’t this the truth we don’t want to see in ourselves? Self indulgence, self centered, self above all…..I think we truly have no idea just how self indulgent we really are! Often to the detriment of those around us…I know that for myself the only way to get any sort of handle on it is to die to self and the only way for that happen is for God to transform me into the person He called me to be. Romans 12/22 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed daily by the renewing of your mind”. In order to abolish strongholds we have to give ourselves over to Him…This renewing is nothing we can do on our own but isn’t that refreshing? All I have to do is ask Him!

  2. In The Myth of the Greener Grass, J. Allan Petersen wrote:

    A call for fidelity is like a solitary voice crying in today’s sexual wilderness. What was once labeled adultery and carried a stigma of guilt and embarrassment now is an affair—a nice-sounding, almost inviting word wrapped in mystery, fascination, and excitement. A relationship, not sin. What was once behind the scenes—a secret closely guarded—is now in the headlines, a TV theme, a bestseller, as common as the cold. Marriages are “open”; divorces are “creative.”

    “To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger”. Rom. 2:7,8 (NIV)

  3. […] my husband whom I had come to loathe being around.  My God took my filthy sins of adultery, pride, selfishness, anger, and lust and washed them whiter than snow.   My God took those same sins and cast them as […]

  4. That sounds more like fornication n adultery.

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