Posted by: Derek Guyer | November 4, 2008

EMDR Therapy & a Healed Marriage


We’ve been hearing some great things about different types of therapies that have helped people who have suffered from affairs to heal. It’s helpful and exciting to hear about every couple’s progress and to learn more about the tools they’ve used in their healing as they begin rebuilding Godly marriages.

One particular couple we’ve been ministering to from California has been going through what is called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy, or EMDR Therapy. They’ve seen incredible results. A few months ago, we were excited to have them share the testimony of their broken marriage with our readers.  Now we’re excited to be able to share one of the tools that God used to help them heal as well. We asked them to share their experience with this therapy and some specific details about it. So, here’s Jason’s testimony about the therapy and their healing:

My name is Jason. If you are reading this, you are most likely in the worst pain that you have ever felt in your life.

It is a pain like none other. It is a pain that at times you wonder if you will be able to withstand it. It is a pain that takes your heart and rips it out of your chest. It is the pain of your spouse betraying you. And no one can know what that feels like unless they have experienced it first hand. Like Derek, my wife desecrated our marriage by having an affair. When she finally confessed it to me, I felt as though my life, as I knew it, was over. I felt like leaving her. I felt like getting even!  How could someone who I loved and trusted with my life do such a horrible thing to me and to our family?  How could she be so selfish as to have a sexual love affair with another man?  The answer to that is simple:

We did not have Jesus Christ first and foremost in our hearts. And that allowed Satan to do his evil handiwork in our lives. His goal was to ultimately destroy our marriage and break us apart by divorce- something that is so common now that it’s mind boggling. Satan doesn’t care whose marriage he takes down. He just hates marriage, because God created it.

Thankfully, God had other plans for us!  He was working in our lives before Monica’s confession, so she was able to do just that. And I was able to forgive her. But forgiving her did not take the tremendous pain that I was feeling away.

We spent many hours and days holding each other, crying, and praying. Then God led us to a wonderful Christian counselor named Pam. Unbeknownst to us, she specialized in a therapy called E.M.D.R. which stands for: Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing.   We were both very skeptical about it at first, as was Pam when she first heard about it. We would soon find out what a Godsend it truly was!

Some Christians believe that if you are hurt mentally and emotionally that you should only pray about it to heal.  I absolutely agree that you should pray for healing along with using the resources that God provides for us.  For example, if you break your arm, you aren’t just going to pray about it and hope it gets better. You’re going to go to the doctor to get it fixed.  The brain is no different.  It can be broken, too, and that’s what trauma is.

I had never really understood what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was until this terrible time in our lives, and there was no doubt that I had it!  Unlike “talk therapy”, which can take many months or even years, E.M.D.R. “fast forwards” you through the pain and trauma so you can begin to feel normal again. It’s been described as “the grieving process at warp speed”.   I won’t go into every detail of how this works because it is easily accessed on the Internet.  Just Google it, and see for yourself.  Believe me, IT DOES WORK!  After just a couple of treatments, the excruciating pain that I was feeling began to melt away. That 2000 lb weight that was on my foot was removed, and I felt as though I could function again. To rebuild our marriage from the ground up. 

So what does all this mean?  It means that Monica and I, Derek and Lisa, and many other couples are living proof that the pain will pass, and you can restore your marriage if you entirely put your trust in Jesus and use the tools and resources that He gives you to heal.

Isaiah 40:29-31  “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

If you’re interested in reading more on EMDR therapy, here’s a link that Jason and Monica provided for us to pass along to you. You can also google EMDR therapy and come up with quite a bit of information about it as well. If you’d like to talk with them personally about the therapy and ask questions about their experience, feel free to email either Lisa or I, and we’ll put you in contact with them.

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Responses

  1. Thanks so much for posting stories like these… it makes me realise that my marriage is also a target of the enemy and to not let my guard down one inch.

    Your blog is helping me a great deal… and I thank God for you.

  2. My mother-in-law is a counselor and has had some training in EMDR – she also has wonderful things to say about it! I cannot agree more with Jason’s statement that when we hurt emotionally and mentally we should pray, but also use other resources available to us. It seems like among Christians there is often a social stigma against those who seek psychological help. I think this is unfortunate, especially because there are very godly counselors out there who incorporate godly principals in their practices. These people and resources are blessings from God and taking advantage of their availability is not a sign of weakness at all.

  3. Lauren, it’s very encouraging to hear you’re taking this so seriously. Most people seem to forget that the thief comes in the night and they’re still half asleep.

    Thanks for your input, Michaiah. I’m glad to hear there are others out there promoting and using this therapy. Praise God healing is happening in numerous ways!


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