Posted by: Lisa Guyer | September 16, 2008

Let Him Lead

Many of the women who email me asking for help in their marriage have one major concern: Their husband won’t step up and lead their home.  He either won’t lead the home financially or spiritually.   Or they won’t lead their children.  Or they won’t even make any decisions about daily happenings in the home.  These women are worn down and tired of “having to do it all on their own.”  However, if we step back and look deeper, oftentimes we find that he has been shut down repeatedly when he does try to lead. 

Do you, as a wife, question the decisions that your husband makes about how to best discipline the children?  Do you resist his authority when he makes a major change in the budget?  How supportive are you when your husband tries to make simple changes in his own life so that he can lead his children better?  Do you mock him and belittle his attempts?  If so, you may want to survey the damage that you yourself have created.  Once you beat him down too many times, he will eventually give up and stop trying.  If you want to be in charge, go ahead.  Take over.  See where it gets you.  Here’s my email, because you will soon find yourself down and depressed and looking for help to fix the problem you’ve created.

OR you can listen to the advice of Titus when he admonishes the older women (the obviously more experienced women…who have probably tried to take over once or twice and realize the foolishness of that decision) to teach the younger women how to treat their husbands.  He tells them to “train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands…” (emphasis mine) 

So how do you go about this?  I recently read this quote on a blog of a friend of mine.  “All it takes for a man to lead is a woman who is willing to follow.”  Your husband doesn’t have to have all of the answers in order for him to lead his home.  He just has to have a woman who supports him.  Just give it a try.  The next time your husband suggests something (no matter how terrible of an idea it may seem to you), put a smile on your face and agree.  Go along with his decision.  Yes, he might fail.  It might have been a terrible decision.  But that’s not your concern.  Your concern is to LET HIM LEAD.  If you allow him to, he will eventually grow to make better and more important decisions. 

Need a biblical example of following your husband no matter how terrible (and even deceitful) the idea might seem?  Read about Sarah, Abraham’s wife, in Genesis 12:10-20 and Genesis 20:1-18.


  1. Great thoughts. Your submission to me has humbled me as a leader in numerous ways. As well, it’s empowered me to become a greater leader.

    I pray other women understand the importance of your challenge.

  2. You guys are a HUGE encouragement to me. I can’t tell you how nice it is to see honesty and people humbly using some previously negative situations to serve and help others.

  3. This is incredibly messed up. Who are you people? The world your minds are functioning in is NOT the world we live in as human beings. The statements you make are horribly sexist and unfair. Men have no more authority than a women does. I cant even believe Im reading this or even trying to defend a point that is so obvious. Step into reality, stop living behind that awful cloud of naivety and enlighten yourselves. This makes me sick to my stomach.

    • I AGREE!!!!

  4. I really appreciate reading this! I am a newly engaged bride-to-be…this has been a very encouraging article that I know I will look back to frequently! thanks!

  5. Derek & Lisa,
    When I found your blog, I KNEW I had to know the whole story so I started at the very beginning and needed ALL of everything you are giving. I myself, have been involved in an affair which you can check out on my blog. Your blog along with a couple of others encouraged me not to hide it any longer.

    This particular post has my friend’s marriage written ALL OVER IT! I do have one question though… what if he’s not living for God, doing things he shouldn’t, not trying to help in any way? What does she do then? She is so discouraged in this area and is afraid to let him lead because he won’t take any responsibility. Advice?

    And about the comment made by Mike, he doesn’t have a clue because where he says “the world your minds are functioning in is not the world we live in as human beings”… that tells me he is lost because he’s right… we are NOT of this world and we can’t live by the world standards. There’s only one standard we live by and that’s God’s, which always goes against the world and always will. But we know Who wins in the end!

  6. […] The timing of all of this is perfect because another reader just asked this question on an older post called “Let Him Lead”: […]

  7. […] Not Burdensome I have written about submission before and about letting your husband lead as it talks about in scripture.  We have gotten quite a few negative comments, but it all comes […]

  8. […] husbands. It’s about controlling our DESIRE to control and lead the family. I challenge you to release your husband to lead your home by controlling […]

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