Posted by: Derek Guyer | July 24, 2008

Talk With Your Spouse Tip #9


Do you speak honestly to your spouse? I’m not asking if you tell them the things you do wrong, we’ve already addressed the importance of honesty within the marriage. I’m talking about whether you’re honest with your spouse about problems you see in them that need to be fixed. They may be sinful or just harmful.

People just don’t speak candidly about their own problems or the problems they see in their spouses. In fact, it’s more likely they’ll tell their friends about the flaws they see in their husband or wife long before they’ll say anything to their spouse. Why is this?

We live in a culture where conformity and tolerance are preached. Don’t make changes, because it might make others feel uncomfortable. Don’t speak candidly about the flaws you see, because that’s inconsiderate. I hear things like:

“We all have things we need to improve. Don’t sweat it.”

Are you kidding me? We’re the people of God and scripture is very clear about our need to conform to His image. This isn’t kids’ games. We’re walking temples, yet we have no clue the seriousness of it.

The old testament priests would tie a rope to their foot so that as they approached the “Holy of Holies”, their bodies could be pulled back out if they weren’t pure in God’s sight and they were struck dead. Their respect and esteem for God was paramount, and their actions showed it. What about you and I? Being the temple of God, are we purifying ourselves for the Holy Spirit to dwell within us?

Our fear of God and love for His mercy should lead us to changed lives. Sitting still & changing nothing is shameful and pitiful.

If you see changes in your spouse that could enhance the glory of God, and you can “speak the truth in love”, do it. Love your spouse, and God, enough to tell them the truth as you see it.

Not communicating necessary changes gets you nowhere. However, speaking the truth in love can increase trust, Godliness, and intimacy in a marriage.

Side note #1: Communicating these things in a fight is usually ineffective and will get you nowhere. If you think your comment made in a moment of fury was good enough, think again. Look for another way to communicate it lovingly.

Side note #2: If you’re going to communicate flaws to your spouse, expect to hear them back. Be humble enough to accept them and change.


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