Posted by: Derek Guyer | June 16, 2008

Talk With Your Spouse Tip #7

There are numerous things that cause breakdowns in communication in a marriage. They range from abuse to a lack of eye contact and everything in between. But, I believe the single worst thing a husband or wife can do to shut down communication is to lie.

The more time we spend with other couples who have suffered from extramarital affairs, the more this reality about a lack of honesty becomes evident. We hear story after story about couples who have lost the ability to talk plainly about a subject, because one spouse no longer trusts the other. Granted most of these couples have suffered from affairs, but it’s more than the affair. Their word has been tarnished and nothing but proof and time can change this.

Paul, in the book of Ephesians says:

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

If you’re the spouse who has lied or is lying, stop. Don’t do it again. For every lie you tell, it’s likely you’re going to have to tell another thirty lies to cover up the first lie. One lie is hard enough for your husband or wife to overcome, never mind the other thirty that followed. Recognize that by lying, you’re destroying the unity of your home, not promoting it. Start now by deciding that no matter how hard or bad the news, being honest about the problem you’ve created is more important than trying to save face. In the end, you will have saved face by being a husband or wife with integrity.

In the very next verse, Paul says something very interesting, especially in light of this communication problem and the offended spouse’s response:

“‘In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

It should be the goal of both the husband and the wife to create an environment where honesty is promoted. Promoting honesty means doing your best to stay calm when your husband or wife tells you tough news. Promoting honesty means thanking your spouse when they tell you the truth when it was very hard to do it. Promoting honesty means saying uncomfortable things because it’s the right thing to do.

What are you doing to promote honesty? What are you doing to destroy it? Think about it.


  1. […] Talk With Your Spouse Tip #7 […]

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