Posted by: Lisa Guyer | June 10, 2008

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Lately I had been having major issues with being/staying positive. I seemed to be grouchy constantly. I was snippy with the kids. I was irritated with the dogs. I was overwhelmed with the housework. As a result, I was nasty towards Derek. After a long day of being grumpy, I realized how badly I had affected our home. Then, I would get depressed about how negative I’d been and how it had affected everyone around me. So, I would get more down and more negative. It’s a terrible cycle and I needed to come to a breaking point to get out of it.

I came to that breaking point when we got home from our mini-vacation last week. We quickly downloaded our pictures to the computer to look at them. I had managed to avoid being in most of the shots. But the ones that I was in struck a chord with me. I noticed that there wasn’t one candid shot of me smiling. I was either frowning, moping, looking exhausted, or looking irritated with someone or something in each of the photos! We were on vacation!! I was spending time with my family! I didn’t have laundry or housework to do. What was I so grouchy about? I had no reason to be, yet I was still being negative. It had become who I was.

Many of us have this same issue and may not realize how bad it really is. There are a lot of husbands out there who are looking for something to fill their time so they don’t have to go home at night. They know that as soon as they go home, their wife will be all over their case, nagging at him to do this or fix that. She won’t have a smile on her face. She might not even greet him at all when he gets home. She’ll just be complaining about everything. So why even go? Why not go get some dinner with someone who is fun? Like his secretary. Or maybe the woman two cubicles down from his. She’s always laughing and smiling about something. She’s a joy to be around!!

Proverbs 21:19 says “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”

On the same token, maybe your husband isn’t the one wanting to leave. Maybe you are the one feeling neglected and disheartened with your marriage. Does it seem like he doesn’t have the time for you? Like he doesn’t want to sit down and talk to you? Are you not being fulfilled emotionally? Take an inventory of the things that you talk about when he does actually sit down with you. Does it usually include a list of things you weren’t able to do today because of this or that? Is the conversation full of things that you wish you could have but you just can’t afford? Do you rehash arguments that you’ve already had and dealt with? OR do you tell him the highlights of your day with a faint smile? Do you giggle and grin recalling funny things that might have happened in the past? Do you show him that you are thankful for his hard work and the things that he is able to provide for you and the family?

Paul told the Corinthians that his joy came from their being joyful (2 Corinthians 2:3). Are you joyful enough to cause your husband to be joyful even after a long hard day at work? Or are you negative enough to bring him down even on the best of days?

Very soon, I’d like to post what the scriptures say about being joyful and how to get there. I’d also like to share some of the things that I have done to get out of this negative pit that I’ve been in. In the meantime, take a good look at yourself in the mirror (or in some recent candid photos). Figure out if you are the woman your husband might run to or run away from.


  1. […] couple of weeks ago, I posted about how I had been having a hard time being joyful.  I had been down for a while, just overwhelmed with daily living and not taking in the blessings […]

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