Posted by: Derek Guyer | May 5, 2008

Talk with your Spouse Tip #4

When was the last time you talked with your spouse? Not to, with. And I mean really talk. How long has it been? You might be thinking:

“Talk to my wife/husband? What’s that and about what? We just live in the same house. You mean some couples talk?”


“We just finished talking about taking out the trash and when the kids’ games are this week.”

I’ve heard those type of responses over and over again. There are too many couples who simply are not talking or listening. When they are, it’s all meaningless. There is no real communication.

I’ve seen this lack of communication stem from numerous problems:

  • Broken hearts
  • Disappointment
  • Verbal abuse
  • Cheating
  • Childish behavior
  • Physical abuse
  • Laziness
  • Business
  • etc.

Has your communication as a couple been hurt by any one of those things listed above? If so, it’s likely the best place to start healing your marriage is an apology. Sound stupid? You’re probably the one I’m talking to. Think I’m kidding? You’re likely the offender. Uninterested? That’s why you’re marriage is the way it is.

Saying you’re sorry is a tough thing to do. It requires humility of heart and unselfishness. But, it’s necessary.

What makes this so hard is that saying sorry is a loaded couple of words. Once you say it, the flood gates of hurt and frustration open up and you either continue with your humility or you retaliate when the offended open up. Now, once you’ve said it, shut your mouth. Saying “I’m sorry, but…” won’t cut it. You don’t want excuses from someone who offends you, so don’t offer them to someone else when you’re in the wrong. That’s childish.

If you’re the offending spouse, saying sorry may be the hardest thing for you to do and the hardest thing for your spouse to hear. In fact, it may hurt so bad that things get worse for a period of time. Don’t expect everything to change just because you said you’re sorry. Say it and let it be. An apology won’t end the discussion. It will only open you and your spouse up to release the hurt and pain you’re feeling inside. That’s essential.

Communication tip: Say you’re sorry. It’s time for the truth to get out on the table.

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