Posted by: Derek Guyer | April 28, 2008

Instrument of Righteousness- Derek’s Story

I’m sure Lisa’s Story was a painful post for most of you to read. It was for me. Thank God you haven’t read the end of the story yet. 

The moments during the affair will forever be embedded in my memory. Some choose to suppress and hide things like this, but that’s just not me. I want to remember what God did, no matter how bad I hurt. I crossed the Jordan and pulled rocks out of the river bed as I crossed through to set them up as a memorial. I never want to forget how awesome He was.

Before the affair started, God had begun a mighty work in me. He was reviving within me the man He had once created me to be. He was reminding me that I had been “made in His image”. Through temptation, sin, worry, and failure, I had lost sight of that for a while, and Jesus was bringing me back. I was being restored to the Rock from which I had been cut, and the Spirit of God was working within me.

See, what happened next wasn’t about me at all. It wasn’t that Derek Guyer did something amazing. After Lisa told me what had happened, for a few days I tried to fix things and forgive her. But, I was failing. I tried and tried, but things were getting worse, and her heart was hardening. I was losing the battle and nothing I did changed it. I was broken and beaten.

In those days, God made it abundantly clear that this wasn’t my fight. He wanted his little lamb and he was about to go to battle for her. So, I let the Great Shepherd use me to chase down and fight for His lost sheep.

While I want to explain this further, I think this video will give you a glimpse into what I saw happen:

It wasn’t about me or my marriage at this point. The main problem we had was that Lisa had given up on God. She had lost sight of Jesus’ amazing love and had taken sides with the Devil himself. No matter the counseling, encouragement, forgiveness, or effort, my marriage wasn’t going to change until her heart was at peace with God. 

So God battled and did amazing things through those days. My job was to deny myself, take up my cross and follow him. He did the rest. It was no longer I that was living, but Christ was living in me. I was just one of His chosen instruments. He won Lisa back to Himself in amazing form. The more I suffered, the closer she came. The less of me that showed, the more of the Light she saw. It made me love to suffer because in the worst of the moments, I saw the greatest of my “Savior” shining through. I was simply his instrument of righteousness.

“Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.”

Romans 6:12-14 NLT

By letting go of myself, I was freed. Freed to what? I was now free to live life abundantly, as had been promised. 

Our story may not seem like all that big a deal to you. It may sound like other stories you’ve heard or even experienced. But, to me, it was my chance to finally play the man and really fight. In the power of Christ, my home began to rise.

Lisa, I love you without regret or shame. I love you because Christ first loved me and gave himself up for me.


  1. I think we can all see ourselves in that video for different reasons. There are so many things that Satan put in front of us to make us lose site of God. We just have to keep struggling through and know that he is always there waiting with his hand out to us, we just have to keep reaching up. I love you both so much. I’m in tears. God bless you both and God be with all of us.

  2. I just wish there were more details. i don’t really knwo that there are any practical tools here that I can pass on to other couples in crisis.

    What did you do to mirror Jesus? What conversations did you have with your wife? What prompted her to return to Jesus?

  3. Faye, as always, we love you too and appreciate your support and love.

    Scott, thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you asked about the details. We are sharing bits and pieces of what we’re doing and plan to share more over the the days, weeks, and months ahead.

    I, specifically, will share more of my specific response in several posts ahead. We’ve been talking about roles and communication and believe those things specifically can do tremendous things to help bring husbands and wives together. We do know our story will do a lot of good to help people who are in these types of situations, as well as prevent some of the trouble we experienced.

    Again, great questions. I’ll get on it.

  4. I’m posting the same comment here as on the post before it:

    I have typed several different comments in here at different times, but have mostly avoided it because the idea of commenting on this post is intimidating to me because I don’t know how to not write a book about how much I love you guys and how deeply, deeply I respect you both.

    Know that I would be standing in front of you both giving you a silent, watery-eyed look full of the meaning of 7 years of friendship and the bond of going through the best and worst times with each other.

    Thank God for his healing.

  5. wow. that’s all i can say. God bless your family brother. i guess he already has, but wow. brother, this is a great thing you guys are doing. shine your light in the darkness brother. i will be praying for you guys. this is awesome!!!

  6. […] Finally, I got up the nerve to sit down and talk to Derek.  I told him that I had been lying and that I had had an affair.  I confessed that I had been fighting on Satan’s side for a long time.  However, at that moment I began the journey of returning home.  Returning to fight on the LORD’s side.  Our home began to rise. […]

  7. […] way Lisa was saved was through “The Way”. It wasn’t me doing the saving. I was just an instrument he used in the operating room as he opened up Lisa’s chest and give her the new heart he […]

  8. […] I’ve been there. I was hurt by the betrayal, the negligence, the doubts, and constantly lived in incredible fear  and shame. Most everything I just described about sitting alone in the woods waiting for deer is something I experienced while fighting for Lisa. […]

  9. […] I was in my affair and the years afterwards, Derek made every effort to not make me feel guilty for what I was or had been doing. He never threw it back in my face that […]

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