Posted by: Derek Guyer | April 6, 2008

Talk With Your Spouse Tip #1

Communication can be a funny thing in marriage. As we all know, every husband or wife comes into the marriage with a different background. That means that person had parents, friends, teachers, etc. who talked and/or didn’t talk in very specific ways. As their friends, children, and/or students, we learned their ways from them. If they never looked people in the eyes when they talked, then there is a chance that we don’t either. If they always had a negative look on their face when they were thinking about things, then there is a good chance we do as well. It’s a natural process..

There are two problems, though:

  1. It’s likely that we were attracted to our spouses because they communicated very differently than we do.
  2. We probably didn’t realize this.

So, we’ve come into the marriage with certain expectations about how the two of you would communicate. These expectations were probably unrealistic, and things have turned out to be far different than anticipated. I’d like to welcome you to reality.

Understanding that this is a normal marital problem is really important. This is an adjustment that every couple goes through. Don’t minimize what ignoring this problem can do to your marriage. I believe this problem had a big effect on our personal fall. I’ve also seen it destroy numerous homes.

The first step in being able to communicate comes in accepting and understanding that there is a communication problem. Your specific problem may not be that the other person doesn’t want to communicate, but rather that they don’t know how to communicate the way you do. 

Be patient. This can’t and won’t change overnight. It’s taken you years to learn how you’ve communicated up until this point. Have enough love to learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse.

“Love is patient”

I Corinthians 13:4

Marriage Communication Tip: Don’t talk to your wife the way you do to your mother. That could cost you. 



  1. […] become offended so quickly at some of the strangest things. A lot of that has to do with our very first communication tip. We walk into conversations with certain biases and beliefs because of who we are and where […]

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